The Five Stages of Grief

I am so sorry that I have been out of touch, but I have been on a self-imposed sabbatical. Even though I wore the purple dress and those amazing shoes, Stephen did not propose! He did NOT propose! Later, when I confronted him about it, he added hoplessness to heartbreak by telling me that it hadn't even OCCURRED to him. After several unbelievable weeks of dating, it never even OCCURRED to him to propose to me. I am crushed. He's still trying to make it up to me. So far he has sent me:

1 diamond tennis bracelet from Harry Winston
1 Hermes Kelly bag
2 Hermes scarves
1 pair of Chanel earrings

1 Lanvin top (shown)
15 bouquets of flowers
A Malo cashmere wrap
4 pairs of Louboutins
0 engagement rings

So now, as Stephen tries to make it up to me, I am experiencing the stages of grief. Unfortunately, I am not sure exactly what they are, but so far I have already been through denial (which was very brief - my ringless hand made it impossible to ignore the cold hard truth) and now I am in the anger phase.

As if my life wasn't disastrous enough right now, I am really, really peeved because my friend Yvonne just bought the last pair of pink Chanel espadrilles in the entire universe! I may never speak to her again.